artha Stewart was having a little bit of trouble keeping her pants up the other night at the New York Cinema Society screening of "Dreamgirls." While in the elevator at the SoHo Grand theatre, Stewart confided to a friend:

"My pants keep coming undone! It's scandalous. I can't seem to keep the top button up." Her focus then headed south and Martha complimented her companion on her shoes. "What size are you?" asked Martha. "You should come over to my place sometime. We are talking thousands of shoes. I have thousands of shoes! It's crazy."

Is it just me or does this paragraph seem like it came out of an issue of Penthouse? The pants that "accidentally" keep coming undone, the invitation to come back to her place, Martha pushing the emergency stop button and going down on her friend (I cut that part out due to space constraints). I always knew Martha had a dirty side to her--have you seen how she cuts up a cucumber on her daytime show? I'm surprised the FCC hasn't blurred it out yet.