Here's a story from last week I had written before my server crashed. I was gonna trash it but who am I to deprive you of the latest news about the human train-wreck that is Lindsay Lohan?

Remember last week when I wrote about Lindsay Lohan attending A.A. meetings? We all enjoyed a hearty laugh as Lohan's friend used the phrase "she's really serious about sobriety." Well Lindsay's attempt at said sobriety ended up exactly like we thought it would. At the GQ Men of the Year dinner last week, which she attended with her mother Dina, Lindsay was seen drinking champagne (which I think you're not supposed to do if you're trying to get sober). Oh but the fun doesn't stop there with the young lush. She also made a huge scene when her ex-assistant showed up:

When the Lohans arrived at the exclusive dinner at the Sunset Tower - joining the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Gore, Jay-Z, Jennifer Connelly and Magic Johnson - she "flipped out" upon seeing Jessica Biel, the luminous star of "The Illusionist," there with her assistant. Biel's assistant used to work for Lohan and earned the "Mean Girls" star's ire when she quit several months ago.

According to a witness, Lohan started screaming, "If she stays, I'm outta here! I can't look at that girl! I can't believe you would allow an assistant in here - she doesn't belong in here!"

"It was really uncalled for," said our spy. "Jessica and everyone else ignored her."

What an insufferable skank. This is what happens when you give young people money. It's why, on my 18th birthday, I donated my entire trust fund to the Committee for Care. It's a nonprofit organization with the dual mission of promoting kitten awareness and stopping the destruction of the rain forest--God's work really. Sorry, I got kinda off topic there, anyways, yeah, Lindsay's a real bitch.