December 2006 Archives

Julia Roberts is pregnant again. Marcy Engleman, Roberts' rep, confirmed the news to E! on Friday morning. This will be Roberts third child from husband Danny Moder, who she married in 2002. In 2004, Roberts gave birth to twins Phinnaeus Walter and Hazel Patricia, after a difficult pregnancy that left her in bed for the final few weeks. In a recent interview with Oprah Winfrey, Roberts said about her twins:

"I just love them. They're fun and happy and honest and just fill me with so much joy. I guess I didn't realize that you could really just like your children as much as your friends, you know?"

No, I don't know Julia. That's the most retarded comment I've read in months--and that's saying something since I'm averaging 5.2 Paris Hilton stories per week. You didn't know you could "like" your own babies--you know those things that lived inside of you for nine months--as much as your friends? I mean, what the fuck? Did she seriously say that? I also love how Julia describes her two year old babies as "honest." Uhh, Julia, your kids are barely two-years-old. Give 'em a few years to develop that dishonest streak. When you notice that 50 missing from your purse, then you'll know.

Despite the fact they've been at each other's throat since they split, Travis Barker and Shana Moakler were recently seen kissing at Winston's, Los Angeles' newest hot spot. However, friends of the couple say Shana and Travis are still serious about getting a divorce:

"She will always be Travis' girl," said a pal, "but never [again] his wife." The source also assured us that the rocker and his reality-star ex "are definitely not getting back together."

What about how Shana's supposed to hate Travis because he hooked up with her arch nemesis Paris Hilton? If there's one thing I learned from my father--besides how to talk you way out of a domestic violence arrest--it's that you should always keep grudges. Not only does it keep you on your toes, it's healthy for your complexion. I certainly never forgave my neighbor after he trampled my prize-winning roses. Five straight victories at the county fair, bitch.

Damn, Tony Parker's really let himself go

Can you beat my caption?

Winner, decided by me and posted Tuesday night (1/2), to receive $10 Amazon.com gift code (will be emailed).

Winner (1/3): Congratulations to this week’s winner Steve M:

Only after noticing Eva’s scarf does Fluffy’s owner realize why she keeps calling his dog Mittens.

Check back this Friday for new contest.

As if the International community doesn't already hate us enough, Paris Hilton and friend Kim Kardashian are hosting a New Year's Party in Sydney, Australia. As you can tell from the picture above, she hasn't been mauled yet by a rabid koala bear. I know, I know, you're disappointed, too. There's always alcohol and Prozac. Party in my head and all the voices are invited!

Kim Kardashian are hosting a New Year's Party in Sydney, Australia. As you can tell from the picture above, she hasn't been mauled yet by a rabid koala bear. I know, I know, you're disappointed, too. There's always alcohol and Prozac. Party in my head and all the voices are invited!

Kim Kardashian are hosting a New Year's Party in Sydney, Australia. As you can tell from the picture above, she hasn't been mauled yet by a rabid koala bear. I know, I know, you're disappointed, too. There's always alcohol and Prozac. Party in my head and all the voices are invited!

Kim Kardashian are hosting a New Year's Party in Sydney, Australia. As you can tell from the picture above, she hasn't been mauled yet by a rabid koala bear. I know, I know, you're disappointed, too. There's always alcohol and Prozac. Party in my head and all the voices are invited!

Kim Kardashian are hosting a New Year's Party in Sydney, Australia. As you can tell from the picture above, she hasn't been mauled yet by a rabid koala bear. I know, I know, you're disappointed, too. There's always alcohol and Prozac. Party in my head and all the voices are invited!

Kim Kardashian are hosting a New Year's Party in Sydney, Australia. As you can tell from the picture above, she hasn't been mauled yet by a rabid koala bear. I know, I know, you're disappointed, too. There's always alcohol and Prozac. Party in my head and all the voices are invited!

Plenty more of Paris and Kim down under after the jump...

Actress Emma Caulfield

Paul McCartney has reportedly threatened to leave his one-legged wife Heather Mills with nothing if she attempts to fight the impending divorce in court. McCartney claims he made no money during their four-year marriage despite embarking on several world tours. According to British lawyer Caitlin Jenkins:

"It's a good tactic for Sir Paul -- but also quite a high-risk strategy. Only about 10 percent of contested divorce cases go down this route. Sir Paul is trying to persuade Heather's team to advise her to come to an agreement -- by suggesting she could end up with nothing if the divorce goes to court. In essence, Sir Paul is showing her how bad it could be for her."

Damn. Paul's kind of a dick. Pretty much the only way he could have been more of an asshole is if he started making cracks about Mills' "peg leg" and how "the wench will never get her land lubbin' hands on me gold doubloons." Will pirate humor ever become unfashionable? Not as long I keep running this site!

Ewan McGregor is pissed off that fans have been coming up to him on the street and criticizing his performance as Obi-Wan Kenobe in the most recent Star Wars films. According to McGregor:

"Why do they feel the need to tell me, 'That film was shit.' It happens quite a lot. I was with my mum and my daughter when this guy walks over to say, 'You're not as good as Alec Guinness (who played Obi-Wan in the 1970s Star Wars movies).' I felt really pissed off."

I love uppity Star Wars fans, or as society calls them: virgins. They take that movie so damn seriously. Now before you guys start firing off your emails, I never said Star Wars wasn't a good movie, I'm just saying I wouldn't put it on the same level as A League of Their Own. A sports movie with both Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell? A travesty that thing didn't win an Oscar.

Izabel Goulart unveils Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush Lip Gloss

Mary-Kate (without her boyfriend Max Snow) and Ashley Olsen rang in Christmas with a couple of "groupie clones" Sunday night at the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles. According to a source, the Olsen twins' friends "were dressed just like them in oversize sweaters, beanies and extremely high heels." The source adds:

...the followers "hung out just with themselves most of the night" drinking and chain-smoking - until Mary-Kate was spotted with a handsome model. "They chatted for a while and giggled," said our spy, "and Mary-Kate made sure to tell him goodbye in a sexy and flirty way" - which included "doing a strut with her sister and friends in front of his friends." The hunk got into the holiday spirit by turning bright red while the girls at the party were left green with envy.

Obviously the only reason guys are still talking to these skanks is because they're worth more than most countries. Personally, I'd rather flirt with a pack of rabid coyotes. Or even have sex with a bag full of used needles from a San Francisco free clinic. It's considered sex if you "finish" inside of the bag, right? God I hope so, it'd be pretty embarrassing to still be a virgin at 47.

Lindsay Lohan went to New York's famous Scores West strip club early yesterday morning to apologize to the strippers she called "whores" and "cunts" last week. According to the New York Post, after personally apologizing to the ladies Lindsay got up on stage and pole danced as the estimated 400 customers cheered her on:

"Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once. It was hot. But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her."

I wonder if anyone smelled that bottle of Perrier? Because, judging by her behavior, Lindsay's fallen off the ol' wagon again. No sober woman pole dances in front of 400 guys before getting multiple rounds of lap dances. Besides my whorish Grandma of course. But that's between my therapist, me, and the 150 guys that booed her off the stage at my bachelor party last year.