Jessica Simpson is worried that a sex tape between her and ex-husband Nick Lachey will be leaked onto the Internet. The X-rated home movie allegedly includes Lachey and Simpson in a "number of sex acts." An anonymous source told Britain's Daily Sport newspaper:
"Jessica is horrified her name and sex tape are being mentioned in the same sentence. She's always been a girl of high morals and principles." According to reports the tape does exist and has fallen into the hands of the individuals responsible for leaking the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex video. It has been claimed that they are threatening to leak the tape if Jessica does not pay an undisclosed sum of money to keep it out of the public domain.
Sweet baby Jesus I hope these rumors are true. A Jessica Simpson sex tape would make my year--not because I'm attracted to her (at least not since she took up ice cream as a hobby)--but because I've always wanted to see what's it like when a woman confuses a penis for a telephone.
I don't even know where to begin with the latest Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton fight so I'll just let Lindsay describe it in her own words:
"This is a video that Paris Hilton - and I'm saying this on tape - she hit me last night, for no reason apparently, at my friend's house and I didn't know she'd be there and she hit me; she hit me with a drink and poured it all over me and it hurts and it's not okay. And I'm sorry for everyone that thinks I'm crazy. I'm not; I'm just trying to act."
Splash News is also claiming:
Lindsay went on to call Paris 'crazy,' a 'cokehead' (pot calling the kettle black?) and dropping a c-bomb by calling her a 'cunt.'
Wow, Lindsay really likes the word 'cunt' (she also used the word a few weeks ago). To be fair, in the hierarchy of trashy euphemisms for female genitals, 'cunt' is in a class of its own. It just has a certain edge to it.........magically fast forward half a day.........ta da!--Lindsay and Paris are friends again:
At 5 AM this morning, Paris' publicist Elliot Mintz called one of our photographers to hurry down to the Beverly Hills Hotel, and boy were we ever happy to be woken up - when we got there, we found Paris, Lindsay, and Britney kicking it old-school! The trio laughed and giggled like old chums before piling into the front seat of Paris' whip (jeez guys, way to make the recently-divorced mother of two ride bitch!) and peeling out into the night!
I'm getting sick of these little bitchy catfights between Hollywood whores socialites. She said this, she said that, I slept with so and so's Grandfather because she stole my boyfriend...blah, blah, blah. You get the point--it's getting old. You know what would really get my attention? If Lindsay took one of these fights to the next level and pulled out an assault rifle and just start spraying Paris and her friends with bullets. How badass would that be? Incidentally, I'd love it if Paris did the same thing but if she had a loaded assault weapon, she'd probably just throw it at Lindsay and then try to pull her hair. She's dumb like that.
Jude Law claims his divorce from Sadie Frost in 2003 left him broke, and he doesn’t even have enough money to buy a new house. The actor says the divorce settlement that was reached last year crippled him financially, despite a prolific acting career:
"I haven't got any money. I'm renting my house and I'm trying to save up so I can buy it."
Yeah, whatever. According to my calculations, even if Jude’s ex-wife took half of his money, that should leave him with roughly a hundred kazillion dollars in the bank. Unless he’s trying to buy a house made of pure gold that can also ferry him to and from the moon, I don’t think he’ll have a problem affording it.
Jesse McCartney and girlfriend Katie Cassidy, both two years shy of the legal drinking age of 21, went to Club Privilege in Los Angeles with some friends last week. According to witnesses, McCartney and friends drank multiple bottles of Cristal and Grey Goose, running up a tab of $2,500:
"When [McCartney] saw how much it was, his eyes got wide and he said, ‘Holy s-!'" a spy tells Star magazine. But the final insult was when Nicole Richie's former handbag, Brody Jenner, had the last word. "Welcome to the adult world buddy," the fellow club-goer told McCartney. "That's what it costs to have fun with the big boys!" McCartney's rep told us: "He was indeed at the club, but the rest of the story, as it was presented, is untrue."
McCartney should consider himself lucky his welcome to the adult world was something as innocent as a $2500 bar tab. My entrance into adulthood included violent swirlies and embarrassing wedgies..….or was that high school? I’m still having a little bit of trouble remembering ages 11-21. My memory is just a blur of money, supermodels, cocaine, fast cars, and lavish vacations. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t the son of a wealthy baron. But then I throw a wad of 20s at the help and it makes me feel better.
Pamela Anderson's representative has confirmed that her client filed for divorce last week from Kid Rock (aka Bob Ritchie), but would not comment on why Pam chose to end the brief three month marriage (with those crazy kids, it really did feel like four months). Kid Rock's publicist didn't immediately return messages left by The Associated Press on Monday:
The relationship between Anderson, 39, and Ritchie, 35, has been a turbulent one since they became engaged in 2002. They broke up the following year, but later reunited and this summer embarked on a tour of wedding ceremonies. They were wed in late July near St. Tropez, France, and again at a courthouse in Beverly Hills, Calif., on Aug. 3. They tied the knot a third time in an Aug. 17 ceremony in Nashville, Tenn."Yes, it's true," Anderson wrote in a brief statement on her Web site. "Unfortunately impossible."
What the hell does "unfortunately impossible" even mean? It sounds like the type of answer I'd give to someone asking what are the chances of sleeping with Pamela Anderson and not catching hepatitis. God help us if Pam follows Britney's lead and starts hanging out with Paris Hilton. I believe the Japanese would refer to the three collectively as "Whorezilla."
I'm sure Pam's late night habit of letting men photograph her naked had nothing to do with the divorce. That was sarcasm by the way.
Carrie Underwood at the 2006 American Music Awards
On her show promoting his new movie “The Pursuit of Happyness,” Will Smith left friend Oprah Winfrey speechless after he solved a Rubik's Cube puzzle right in front of her. After Smith claimed he could solve a Rubik’s Cube in less than two minutes, Oprah challenged him to prove it.
As Winfrey cut to commercials, Smith feverishly clicked away and had solved the colorful puzzle when the show returned after the break, leaving the host stunned and impressed.
Two minutes to solve a Rubik’s Cube? Big deal. One time I got three Jeopardy questions right IN A ROW. One after another, I was in the zone that night my friends. You should have seen it. And don’t try to sully my accomplishment just because it was Kid’s Jeopardy and the category was ‘Things that Rhyme with Hay’. Haters
New celebrity couple Derek Jeter and Jessica Biel sparked outrage with their very public display of affection at an art museum in Los Angeles. The actress and the New York Yankees star were checking out the Holy Image, Hallowed Ground: Icons From Sinai exhibition at the Getty Museum when things got a little out of hand:
One eyewitness tells the National Enquirer, "It was shocking. They were making out on a veranda in full view of everyone, including several Orthodox Jewish families who'd come to see the religious artifacts." The upset witness even claims security staff had to interrupt the loved-up couple and ask them to cool it.
Honestly, I don’t see what the problem is. Jessica Biel should be allowed to make out wherever the hell she wants (church, funerals, etc.)—as long as I can watch—and have my pants around my ankles. Now if it was Star Jones and her husband making out at the art gallery, that’s another issue. Security guards could turn a fire hose on those two and I’d be okay with it.
Kevin Federline thinks he’s one of America’s most hated men. The wannabe rapper made the claim during a performance at Hollywood's House of Blues on Wednesday night.
A packed house turned out to see a resilient Federline perform tracks from his debut album Playing With Fire. After lashing out at his detractors - shouting from the stage, "F**k the haters, f**k the media, f**k the paparazzi," K-Fed, adapted lyrics to one of his songs; when a member of his entourage asked onstage, "Why does America hate you?" he replied, "Maybe because I took their Queen. I am America's most hated."
I don’t know what surprises me more about this story. The fact that K-Fed managed to construct a complete sentence—without aid of a dictionary—or that he played in front of a “packed house.” I’ll give the slight edge to him actually playing in front of people.
I’ll tell you another thing that surprises me: kittens. Just when you think they can't possibly get any cuter, they get themselves trapped in your laundry hamper.
From the looks of it, Britney Spears couldn't feel better about her divorce from Kevin Federline. She's so damn happy to finally be a single women that she's releasing years of pent-up inner skank. I felt the same way after the Berlin Wall finally came down in '89. I didn't wear underwear for weeks!
