Rumors have been circulating the Internet that Britney Spears may not have given birth to a boy named Sutton Pierce Federline but instead to a girl named Jayden James (WELL on her to way to a career in pornography with that name):

The rumors gained traction when Federline appeared on a radio show and refused to answer questions about the baby’s name or gender. “Isn’t that strange when you hear that, when you have a child and people tell you the sex is a different one,” the DJ asked Federline. He replied: “Yeah it’s crazy. Well it’s even crazier when people are telling me my child’s name.” Why all the secrecy? One source compares it to the recent Suri Cruise mystery and says that the baby’s identity will be released in a PR blitz. Says the source: "I’m hearing that they’ll release pics closer to the release date of Kevin’s new CD [Oct. 31]."

This afternoon, ninjas broke into the Los Angeles County records and obtained Jayden’s birth certificate. To everyone’s relief, Jayden does in fact have a penis. Why can’t celebrities have babies like normal people? First the mystery of Suri Cruise, and now this Jayden thing. To give Britney credit, having a baby to drive your husband’s record sales is ingenious. If only I had known about this PR strategy back in high school, surely I would have been class president. Instead I had to settle for being the stupid class treasurer. They never get the chicks!