Jon Voight is trying to use gifts to fix his strained relationship with estranged daughter Angelina Jolie. Jolie has shunned her father ever since Voight claimed Jolie had "mental problems" four years ago:
[John Voight] just bought another truckload of gifts for [Jolie] and the three grandchildren he's never seen - Maddox, Zahara and Shiloh... dropping about $1,800 on kiddie duds, toys and a pink bag for Mom! Jolie just ships persona non papa's peace offerings off to charity, say insiders - and who can blame her? When Granddad gave a TV shout-out to his beloved little "SHAKIRA," the TV reporter corrected him, saying the tyke's name correctly..."Zahara." Babbled Voight, "Shahara... Shahara!"
There's a lesson to be learned in this: money helps cover up things like dead hookers discovered under you bed but it won't make your daughter love you. God damn that's deep. Someone should put that on a Mother's Day card and laugh all the way to the bank.
Splash News
Splash News had some pictures up Friday of Cameron Diaz after her inspiring run in this year's Los Angeles Marathon. Which is confusing to me because the L.A. Marathon is in March. And her running shorts resemble jeans. But her armpits are about what you'd expect after someone just ran 26.2 miles.
Though she's appeared nude in movies such as Titanic and Holy Smoke, Kate Winslet says she felt sick during the filming of sex scenes in her latest movie. In the upcoming Little Children, the British actress plays a young mother who begins an illicit affair with her friend's husband. Winslett told London's Radio 1:
"When you get up in the morning and you know you are going to have to go to work and take your clothes off it's the worst day of your life. You feel awful. You feel sick. And you remind yourself you must never agree to do this again."
Welcome to my life Kate. As I've told my boss countless times, I can give a PowerPoint presentation just fine without my pants around my ankles and you tossing dollar bills at me. But he insists and money's been tight lately......wait, this doesn't make me gay does it?
According to Life & Style Weekly, Ashton Kutcher is concerned that Lindsay Lohan is a bad influence on his stepdaughter Rumer (damn that sounded weird):
"Education is very important to Ashton," a source tells the mag, "and he's afraid Rumer will think partying is better than studying. Rumer has been ignoring Kutcher's advice, reports L&S, and "hanging out" with Lohan at every opportunity. "Rumer can't stop gushing about how cool Lindsay is," a source told the mag. "Rumer feels honored by Lindsay's attention."
Of course Lindsay Lohan's a bad influence on Rumer--SHE'S LINDSAY FREAKING LOHAN. That's like letting your teenage son hang out with is concerned that Lindsay Lohan is a bad influence on his stepdaughter Rumer (damn that sounded weird):
"Education is very important to Ashton," a source tells the mag, "and he's afraid Rumer will think partying is better than studying. Rumer has been ignoring Kutcher's advice, reports L&S, and "hanging out" with Lohan at every opportunity. "Rumer can't stop gushing about how cool Lindsay is," a source told the mag. "Rumer feels honored by Lindsay's attention."
Of course Lindsay Lohan's a bad influence on Rumer--SHE'S LINDSAY FREAKING LOHAN. That's like letting your teenage son hang out with Camel Joe and then worrying that he may be smoking cigarettes.
There's this homeless guy that digs in my trash every night I call "Pete the homeless guy that digs in my trash every night." He can shotgun a fifth of vodka like no one's business and even he's afraid of hanging out with Lohan. I was shooting the shit with him the other night about the latest Hollywood rumors and trends. Anyways, Lindsay's name came up and he broke out into a cold sweat. It was like a bad 'Nam flashback only with way more defecation.
Carmen Electra's career is really taking off:
"We are excited to partner with such a talented personality as Ms. Electra to offer this exciting card program," Louis Hoch, President and COO of Payment Data Systems, annoucned. "The Carmen Electra Prepaid MasterCard and Carmen Electra Gift MasterCard cards are unlike any others because of their extremely competitive pricing, exclusive Carmen Electra content and continuously evolving features and benefits."
"Continuously evolving?" That sounds like something Charles Darwin would say to his crew while standing on the deck of the Beagle. And how the hell did this company president guy deliver this statement with a straight face? He does realize that his company is now represented by Carmen Electra. I couldn't give a shit about a low APR when I see Carmen Electra. Not when I have this raging erection.
After nearly being arrested last week at John Wayne Airport, Rapper Snoop Dogg was arrested by California cops Thursday night for drug and gun possession at a Bob Hope Airport in Burbank. Cops stopped Snoop (aka Calvin Broadus), for a traffic violation and, surprise surprise, discovered marijuana and a gun in his ride. After being arrested and taken to the Burbank Police Department Jail, Snoop posted $35,000 in bail and was released. He is scheduled to appear at Burbank Superior Court on December 12, according to his publicist.
"There was no basis for this arrest," the rapper's lawyer, Donald Etra, told CNN.
Yeah, no basis at all. Besides the drugs and gun in his car--or that truncheon he was trying to sneak past airport security last week--Snoop's a proverbial boy scout. Last time I checked, cops don't go around like Nazi stormtroopers randomly arresting people with Jewish sounding names like Snoop Dogg.
According to the Daily Mirror, former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham will be Katie Holmes' fashion consultant for her upcoming wedding to Tom Cruise.
"It's fantastic news for Katie. Not only has a date been set for her big day, she's got fashion queen Victoria helping with her wedding plans," a source told the tab. Beckham reportedly is flying to L.A. next week for a "secret meeting" to plan the bash, and the source says, "[Holmes] wants to have a stylish low-key hen do and if Victoria's around, she'll be there helping her celebrate."
If Katie wants to keep her outfits low key and stylish, perhaps she shouldn't hire someone who pretty much wears inappropriate stuff everywhere. And has a pair of the fakest tits I've seen outside of the AVN Awards. It's like Victoria told her doctor she wanted to go from a 'small A' to a "medium volleyball" only more round. How can Katie possibly trust her? The only fashion consulting Posh Spice should be doing is for gangbangs. It's like hiring Chef Boyardee to design your personalized diet and exercise plan. Is anyone looking forward to this wedding as much as I am?
For some strange reason, Annette Bening is still being interviewed by the media. Anyways, she feels modern child-rearing techniques are “strange” (how ‘bout that for a segue!):
"I do think our current child-centric culture is not healthy for kids... On weekends, when kids are going to birthday parties, the parents are all there. I find that bizarre."
Great idea Annette, now I remember why you’re no longer famous. Let’s throw birthday parties for children without any adults around. Maybe we can even leave a shotgun on the table (right next the bottle of bleach with the loosened cap) and just tell all the kids NOT to touch it—that should work. We’ll sprinkle some candy around the trigger to really discourage them.
Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody were seen together in Toronto shopping last weekend, silencing the growing rumors Bilson dumped The OC star for Zach Braff:
Canadian gossip Shinan Govani told us one of "The O.C." couple's stops was 69 Vintage, where they picked up some "old-school tees" and Brody scored "a pair of black dock shoes and grandpa suspenders." Bilson, this month's Cosmo cover girl, is in Canada to shoot her new film "Jumper."
If my girlfriend was as smoking hot as Rachel Bilson, buying dock shoes and grandpa suspenders would be the last thing I'd do with her. My entire day would consist of sexing Rachel up, smelling my fingers, and giggling. Trust me, I've thought of this before.
The View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck is pissed that an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit had a character named Elizabeth Hassenback. What especially angered her was that Hassenback was raped TWICE and killed:
Hasselbeck said that after hearing about the show from a friend, she called an SVU executive producer whom she declined to name - though co-host Rosie O'Donnell chimed in, "But you can Google it at home!" - to express her anger. "I told him 'Look, I want to let you know that I think it's socially irresponsible and gruesomely suggestive to do this in today's day and age," said Hasselbeck, who has an 18-month daughter, Grace, with her husband, New York Giants quarterback Tim Hasselbeck.
I can't make up my mind with this chick. She's hot as hell and I would love to bang her, yet she seems like the type of uptight bitch who'd get "offended" if I wanted a little ass-play. I would be thrilled to death to be on Law & Order, even if it was only in the context of someone using my name. Hell, if I got caught on one of those Dateline NBC child molester stings, I'd probably throw a viewing party for my family.
