Paris Hilton uttered some rather unflattering statements about herself when being interviewed by police about the home invasion of "Girls Gone Wild" producer Joe Francis:

LAPD Detective Steve Koman and Deputy DA Hoon Chun were asking Hilton to remember what she told Francis at a party shortly after the "Girls" mastermind was victimized on Jan. 24, 2004. "Like I really . . . I don't remember. I'm not like that smart," Hilton said in police audio tapes set to air on "Dateline NBC" on Saturday night, "I like forget stuff all the time." Koman, however, jumped to Paris' defense and encouraged her to think again. "Don't cut yourself short," he said in the "Dateline" tapes.

Hilton also told cops "private tapes" were stolen from her home - and that a mysterious caller wanted money for the hot goods. "They . . . wanted money. They were tryin' to sell it to like a newspaper or something," said Hilton, who balked at paying - and chalked it up to advice from dear old Dad. "So if you pay somebody, then you're gonna be paying for the rest of your life," Hilton said. "My dad always taught me. They'll keep the tape anyway."

Great lesson taught to Paris by her dad. My dad always taught me that, if you make a graphic sex tape, control the distribution rights. FOR GOD'S SAKE CONTROL THE DISTRIBUTION RIGHTS!* I used to think that was an inappropriate comment to write in someone's senior yearbook but now I realize Dad was just trying to help. I now think of it as a piece of advice I hope to pass along to my daughters. Father of the Year award here I come! You'll totally know it, too, because I'll have a rather unflattering statements about herself when being interviewed by police about the home invasion of "Girls Gone Wild" producer Joe Francis:

LAPD Detective Steve Koman and Deputy DA Hoon Chun were asking Hilton to remember what she told Francis at a party shortly after the "Girls" mastermind was victimized on Jan. 24, 2004. "Like I really . . . I don't remember. I'm not like that smart," Hilton said in police audio tapes set to air on "Dateline NBC" on Saturday night, "I like forget stuff all the time." Koman, however, jumped to Paris' defense and encouraged her to think again. "Don't cut yourself short," he said in the "Dateline" tapes.

Hilton also told cops "private tapes" were stolen from her home - and that a mysterious caller wanted money for the hot goods. "They . . . wanted money. They were tryin' to sell it to like a newspaper or something," said Hilton, who balked at paying - and chalked it up to advice from dear old Dad. "So if you pay somebody, then you're gonna be paying for the rest of your life," Hilton said. "My dad always taught me. They'll keep the tape anyway."

Great lesson taught to Paris by her dad. My dad always taught me that, if you make a graphic sex tape, control the distribution rights. FOR GOD'S SAKE CONTROL THE DISTRIBUTION RIGHTS!* I used to think that was an inappropriate comment to write in someone's senior yearbook but now I realize Dad was just trying to help. I now think of it as a piece of advice I hope to pass along to my daughters. Father of the Year award here I come! You'll totally know it, too, because I'll have a novelty trophy that proves it. Hater.

I don't know what the cops thought they could get out of Paris. If the case was about finding the best topical herpes ointment or what Los Angeles restaurant has the best menus for coloring (I brought my own crayons!), Paris could have been the next Perry Mason. Tough break. Such is life.

*if you want to make any real money, you have to get a cut of the back end.