Joe Simpson, father of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, has taken some proactive measures to ensure that only the best paparazzi images of his daughter reach the mainstream media (like those from the chest down).

According to sources who've had recent dealings with him, Simpson has a tight working arrangement with WireImage, the mega-agency and wire service that rules the red-carpet at nearly every high-profile event in the western hemisphere. On several occasions, a camera-wielding Simpson has gone toe-to-toe with other snappers for shots of his own daughters, then approved only his own images for distribution through WireImage. At other times, he has provided the agency with exclusive (and even racy) shots of his daughters on family getaways or in other putatively private moments. Needless to say, other photographers aren't happy. One recalled being invited to cover an event sponsored by Jessica's record label, Epic, only to find her shots blocked again and again by Joe and his Nikon. "I thought it was really odd that he was always in my way, since I was the one who was paid to be there shooting," she says. Though the freelancer did manage to get some clean shots, Joe's were the only ones WireImage deemed worthy of being distributed.

There's really no difference between Joe Simpson and one of those 45-year-old guys who drives a 1977 conversion van with bubble windows to the local high school everyday to watch the JV girls soccer team practice. I wonder if Joe acts like the real paparazzi and hangs outside Jessica's house all day waiting for a candid shot? And then when Jessica comes out and asks him what the hell he's doing, Joe masturbates on the driveway and runs away giggling. I would go ahead and assume that's already happened.