Jackie Chan starred in a porn movie 31 years ago:

KUNGFU film star Jackie Chan yesterday admitted that he acted in a porn movie 31 years ago, responding to a report revealed by Hong Kong media, Information Times reported today. "I had to do anything I could to make a living 31 years ago, but I don't think it's a big deal, even Marlon Brando used to be exposed in his movies," Chan said. "The porn movie at that time was more conservative than the current films," he said.

Next to "Shaving Ryan's Privates," this sounds like one of the coolest pornos ever. I can totally visualize the plot: Jackie's penis is the toast of Tokyo, getting all the best tables, parking spots, and front row tickets to shows. It even has the ear of the mayor. Parking tickets? Don't kid yourself. Tension is mounting, though. There's a rival penis--Wang--in Tokyo trying to move in on Jackie's territory. It's bigger, it's younger, and it has a catchier name than just "Jackie's penis." But it's lacking one thing: spunk--both literally and figuratively. A clash is inevitable between these two captains of industry.

.

.

.

[Boring scenes with weird blurry vaginas and a lot of girls wearing schoolgirl outfits]

.

.

.

The movie climaxes in a heated back-alley showdown, chock full of broken English and misplaced modifiers. Yes! It's the scene we've all been waiting for! Wang gets the upperhand and unleashes a determined fury upon the rival rod. Jackie's penis is beaten, but somehow still erect. But Wang is not done--he's still coming, determined to give Jackie's penis an unhappy ending. But what's this? Jackie's penis has found new life! The cagey veteran has turned the tables on the young upstart. Jackie's penis reaches into the depths of its urethra to find that little something--the something it takes to defeat Wang. The fight ends in shocking fashion. Jackie's penis has triumphed. As the ladies of Tokyo toss their Hello Kitty purses aside and flock to Jackie's penis, Wang limps home, a defeated phallus.

I don't know, Jackie's porno probably went something like that. That was just off the top of my head.

starred in a porn movie 31 years ago:

KUNGFU film star Jackie Chan yesterday admitted that he acted in a porn movie 31 years ago, responding to a report revealed by Hong Kong media, Information Times reported today. "I had to do anything I could to make a living 31 years ago, but I don't think it's a big deal, even Marlon Brando used to be exposed in his movies," Chan said. "The porn movie at that time was more conservative than the current films," he said.

Next to "Shaving Ryan's Privates," this sounds like one of the coolest pornos ever. I can totally visualize the plot: Jackie's penis is the toast of Tokyo, getting all the best tables, parking spots, and front row tickets to shows. It even has the ear of the mayor. Parking tickets? Don't kid yourself. Tension is mounting, though. There's a rival penis--Wang--in Tokyo trying to move in on Jackie's territory. It's bigger, it's younger, and it has a catchier name than just "Jackie's penis." But it's lacking one thing: spunk--both literally and figuratively. A clash is inevitable between these two captains of industry.

.

.

.

[Boring scenes with weird blurry vaginas and a lot of girls wearing schoolgirl outfits]

.

.

.

The movie climaxes in a heated back-alley showdown, chock full of broken English and misplaced modifiers. Yes! It's the scene we've all been waiting for! Wang gets the upperhand and unleashes a determined fury upon the rival rod. Jackie's penis is beaten, but somehow still erect. But Wang is not done--he's still coming, determined to give Jackie's penis an unhappy ending. But what's this? Jackie's penis has found new life! The cagey veteran has turned the tables on the young upstart. Jackie's penis reaches into the depths of its urethra to find that little something--the something it takes to defeat Wang. The fight ends in shocking fashion. Jackie's penis has triumphed. As the ladies of Tokyo toss their Hello Kitty purses aside and flock to Jackie's penis, Wang limps home, a defeated phallus.

I don't know, Jackie's porno probably went something like that. That was just off the top of my head.