Kendra Wilkinson
"The Girls Next Door" star Kendra Wilkinson (aka one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends) published a weird rant about reality shows on her website (all spelling and grammar mistakes are Kendra's own):
"I want you guys to know that I know that this fantasy land I live now doesn't last forever and I now that and that's why i go to school," Hugh Hefner's girlfriend writes. "This can all go away in the blink of an eye so I am also using this situation to save money for my future. Oh yeah and what you see on tv is not always the truth by the way even if its a reality show."
Kendra going to school explains why I've seen so many finger-paintings on Hugh's refrigerator. "Hugh! Hugh! Teacher gave me a star on my turkey drawing"......"that's nice Kendra honey, but when you're talking, that means your mouth is not on my penis."
[WENN]
Diddy
Not sure why this is news but I'll go ahead and run with it anyways: P. Diddy bought a massive teddy bear for his soon-to-be-born twins:
P. Diddy and Kim Porter — who are expecting twins in December — recently ordered a teddy bear from posh kiddie store PetitTresor.com. Not just any teddy bear, though, a life-sized, eight-foot-tall one. The couple isn't revealing the gender of their forthcoming babies, so the Scoop asked if the ribbon tied around the toy animal was ordered in blue or pink. "Neither," says the source. "Gold. Bling!"
Call me crazy but an eight-foot-tall teddy bear will probably scare the shit out of a couple of toddlers. Puff might want to keep his little Diddys away from Teddy Grahams and The Animal Planet for about the next twenty years. He might as well have cut to the chase and bought his kids the DVD box set of The Best of America's Most Wanted 7: Baby Rapists and Child Molesters.
Can you imagine stumbling home from a bar and seeing an eight-foot-tall teddy bear lurking in the corner of your bedroom? I'd wouldn't know whether to scream bloody murder or make a drunken pass at it (my standards go WAY down when I get some liquor in me).
[WENN]
Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson flew in all the way from London to catch her sister's debut performance in Chicago:
JESSICA Simpson burst into tears when she watched her little sister's debut West End performance in Chicago. The sexy babe flew into London especially to see Ashlee take on the role of Roxie Hart. And Jess admits she was overwhelmed with pride watching Ashlee tread the boards. She told Radio 1: "I was weeping. I was so proud. I couldn't be more proud of her. "My face is swollen, I have butterflies, and she pulled it off perfectly."
I think Jessica burst into tears because she couldn't follow along with the plot. Schoolhouse Rock gives her enough of a headache, I couldn't imagine something with an actual plot.
Jessica wasn't the only celebrity in attendance to see Ashlee:
Ashlee's debut was watched by a host of celebs including Coleen McLoughlin, Jayne Middlemiss, Peaches Geldof and Michelle Heaton from Liberty X.
Damn, hopefully they had riot police and armed escorts on hand. You really can't skimp on crowd control when dealing with such a group of A-list stars. Now that I think about it, that second woman might be dentist. Don't tell her I had that candy bar before bedtime.
[WENN]
Miss Cleo
In an interview with The Advocate magazine, famous television psychic Miss Cleo (real name Youree Dell Cleomili) admits she's a lesbian.
Four years after the infomercials were pulled from the air under a cloud of various lawsuits and federal and state investigations, Harris says she has been inspired to come out publicly by a teenage godson: "He and I started talking when he was concerned about coming out. He was 16. When he made the decision I told him I'd be there to support him 100%, and he embraced [coming out] wholeheartedly," Harris says. "It's a different vibe than when I was his age, being raised Catholic in an all-girls boarding school. But he was afraid of nothing, and I thought, I can't be a hypocrite. This boy is going to force me to put my money where my mouth is."[Miss Cleo] says she's actually not a psychic but more of a spiritual counselor or spiritual adviser. "I'm more a shaman, an elder in a community who has visions and gives direction to people in their village. My clients and my students are my village. I take care of this community. If you sit down at my table, you have to take away a lesson and not just learn what is going to happen tomorrow. I also perform weddings—both gay and straight marriages—and house cleansings and blessings."
So great of Cleo to clear up the whole shaman/psychic confusion. One time I thought I was visiting a local psychic but it turned out the guy was just a shaman. I should have known it, too—the guy had "elder in his community who has visions and gives direction to people" written all over him. Talk about embarrassment. Pie on my face!
Terrence Kiel
San Diego Chargers safety Terrence Kiel was arrested on two counts of transporting a controlled substance and three counts of possession for sale of a controlled substance.
Kiel admitted to shipping at least two parcels of prescription cough syrup to Texas, DEA officials said Wednesday, a day after the player was arrested at team headquarters. While Kiel did not tell the DEA his motive, the agency in Texas has found widespread abuse of codeine-based cough syrup mixed with soft drinks or drugs and referred to as "lean," said John S. Fernandes, the special agent in charge of the San Diego office. A pint bottle of "lean" can cost between $200 and $325 on the street, he said.
Another promising career ruined by the 'ryp. Oh cruel cough syrup, how I hate thee. How many young lives must you claim!
In other news, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens tried to kill himself, or maybe he didn't:
[Owens] was rushed to a Dallas hospital Tuesday night to be treated for what police initially described as a suicide attempt using prescription medication. He returned for a light workout Wednesday afternoon at the team’s Valley Ranch practice facility, less than two hours after being discharged from Baylor university Medical Center in Dallas. He explained at a news conference that he had been rendered incoherent by a combination of painkillers and herbal supplements, but said emphatically, “There was no suicide attempt.”
See folks. All just a big misunderstanding. Like the time my friend Jack fell off that bridge. With his wrists cut.
[WENN]
Dustin Diamond
And I thought the Jackie Chan porno was weird! Former Saved by the Bell actor Dustin Diamond has his own sex tape:
Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz Samuel (Screech) Powers is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us. We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt, who has brokered some of Hollywood's biggest celebrity-skin deals, confirms that he's acquired the rights to a tape featuring Diamond. "Just when you think you have seen everything in this business," he tells us, "mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it."
"I haven't seen the tape," Diamond's manager Roger Paul told us. "I've heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings."
Unlike for those at the New York Post, the "man" and his so-called "rules" don't really apply to me so I can tell you what a Dirty Sanchez is. From Urban Dictionary:
When a man and a woman engage in anal sex, then the man takes his penis and rubs it on the girls upper lip leaving a moustache.I love you more than anything, please accept this dirty sanchez as a token of my appreciation.
Pure class that Dustin Diamond. And you claimed romance and chivalry were dead! Ha!
[WENN]
Howard K. Stern
Anna Nicole Smith's "longtime lawyer and confidante," Howard K. Stern, announced Tuesday on Larry King Live that he is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby:
They have since named their baby girl Dannielynn Hope, Stern told King via a video feed. "Right now we have to somehow get through what we're going through, and I'll tell you, our baby is the one ray of hope." "It's been very rough [regarding the recent death of Smith's 20-year-old son Daniel]," Stern said. "She said that she didn't want to trade out children, meaning she didn't want one to be born and another to die."As for the two of them, Stern said: "We love each other and it's been going on for a very long time and because of my relationship as her lawyer, we felt it was best to keep everything hidden. And we've done a pretty good job of that." They'll get married "at some point," he said. "We will. Right now we have to somehow get through what we're going through."
Did I miss something during my alcohol-fueled stupor over the weekend? When did Larry King Live turn into the Maury Povich Show?
Larry: "Howard K. Stern……you..…ARE the father."
Anna: "I tol' you, I tol' you fool! You payin' me child support now bitch! I tol' ya'll he was my baby's daddy!"
Howard: "Nah, man, nahhh…....bullshit"
Doesn't Larry King normally, like, interview Presidents and World Leaders and shit? Now I'm not one to question the journalistic integrity of anyone, not after last week's hard-hitting expose on Nicole Richie eating a sandwich, I'm just saying it's kinda weird.
[WENN]
Mel Gibson
el Gibson is making headlines again. This time he's making weird apocalyptic comparisons between ancient Maya civilization and Modern America as well as...surprise, surprise...criticizing the War in Iraq:
The "Apocalypto" director recently made widely reported comments drawing parallels between Mayan culture shortly before it collapsed and America's current situation, saying "the precursors to a civilization that's going under are the same, time and time again," and adding, "What's human sacrifice if not sending guys off to Iraq for no reason?""I just wanna draw the parallels," Gibson said. "I just looked at it, and thought, we display that stuff here. I don't wanna be a doomsayer, but the Mayan calendar ends in 2012," he chuckled. "So have fun!"
el's pretty stupid because the Mayan calendar hanging on my bathroom wall clearly states the world will end in 2016. (side note: don't start looking for a Mayan calendar in late December like I foolishly did--I searched far and wide before finally having to settle on the "Men at Work" edition. Some people tell me it's gay but I say Itzamna looks downright sexy in firemen's gear).
[WENN]
Elisha Cuthbert
Elisha Cuthbert showed up to the US Weekly Hot Hollywood Fresh 15 Party looking like a nun/maid. If anything says that you've made it in life, it's getting an invite to a party with a seven word name. That reminds me. Everyone's invited to my "Ultimate Rockin' Hot Birthday Crazy Party 7" this weekend. Let me know if you're coming so I can put your name on the list.
[BauerGriffinOnline]
Kate Moss and Pete Doherty
Unconfirmed reports have Pete Doherty and Kate Moss getting married "within weeks" and, as most of you loyal readers already know, unconfirmed reports are the most satisfying. Anyways, such a momentous "junkie-union" can only be recognized via the ancient Japanese form of haiku:
Pete and Kate marriage?
Wedding night to last for days
Oops! Back to rehab
[WENN]
