Paris Hilton
Some guy I've never heard of is actually admitting that he had sex with Paris Hilton AND (brace yourself) Nicole Richie.
Elijah Blue Allman, Cher's son by rocker Gregg Allman, went on the Howard Stern show last week and boasted that he had a fling with Hilton before she was famous. Allman, who is the lead singer and guitarist for the band Deadsy, said that after the encounter, he became so worried that he might have contracted a disease that he went downstairs and scrubbed his private parts with a household cleaner, probably Tilex.Hilton is "not happy" about Allman's comments, says a source, even though he described Hilton as a "sweet girl." Alman also said he had sex years ago with Hilton's reality show co-star and former best friend, Nicole Richie, and says they're now friends.
I don't understand these Hollywood stars. Is one night with Paris Hilton worth having a burning sensation when you pee for the rest of your life? You might as well pick up an infected "street worker" on Hollywood Boulevard and call it even. At least the conversation would be better.
And I wouldn't be bragging about having sex with Nicole Richie either. Nicole had about a two week window in 2002 when she actually looked like a normal person (in between her fatty and malnourished stages). Nicole is like the bizarro Elvis Presley - starting out fat and ending up skinny. The only logical conclusion to her life is for her to die on the toilet (although, unlike Elvis who was actually on the toilet when he died, Nicole will just be near the toilet. With her head in it. And her finger down her throat).
[WENN]
Britney Spears
Dammit! I've been looking for an orange tablecloth for months. It's now apparent that Britney Spears is buying all tablecloths within the greater Los Angeles area and turning them into dresses. And parachutes.
[Splash News]
Jesse McCartney
Jesse McCartney is retracting his statement made earlier this week about J-Lo being pregnant.
Singer Jesse McCartney released a statement Friday apologizing for announcing that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant on an Atlanta radio station. “I have no firsthand knowledge whether Jennifer Lopez is pregnant or not,” McCartney said in the statement. “I thought I had read it somewhere. I apologize.” The day before issuing the apology, the 19-year-old announced during an interview with Star 94 that Lopez, 37, left the cast of the new Dallas movie because she is pregnant. McCartney implied he had received the information from his girlfriend Katie Cassidy (daughter of 1970s pop star David Cassidy), who nabbed the role of Lucy Ewing in the film.
Is it possible for an ass to get so big that it collapses within itself much like a black hole? I guess we'll find out in about 9 months.
[WENN]
Kevin Federline
Everyone's favorite talentless leach, Kevin Federline, is set to make his acting debut this fall on an episode of the hit show CSI:
As Federline tells PEOPLE while on the set of the CBS show, "This is pretty much my first time acting. It's the first time I've actually had a speaking role." He adds that the offer came about quickly. "I was doing stuff for the Teen Choice Awards," he says, "and got the call while we were rehearsing and I pissed in my pants! I was excited right off the bat. It's the only show that I really, really watch."Federline, 28, started shooting his part in Los Angeles on Thursday night. He will play a menacing, arrogant teen who harasses investigators Nick Stokes (George Eads) and Warrick Brown (Gary Dourdan) on a job. The episode is tentatively scheduled to air in October.
Note the episode is "tentatively scheduled to air on October." With K-Fed on the set, there shoud be a noticeable increase in fires, floods, and horrible injuries to crew members. That's just how K-Fed rolls.
I'm surprised they actually gave K-Fed a speaking role. The only role on CSI K-Fed couldn't screw up is that of a dead body. I take that back. He'd probably keep popping his head up asking the producers when the next break is so he could get some beef jerky and Mountain Dew.
[WENN]
Mariah Carey
During her recent New York City concert, Mariah Carey tried to convince concert-goers that, despite previous accounts of her fucking insane behavior, she's no diva.
'I AM not a diva!" If Mariah Carey said it once, she said it a dozen times during her Madison Square Garden gig the other night. Mariah, honey, we believe you. But guess what, your fanatically devoted fans don't care. They love you as a diva. They love you breaking down. They love you coming back. They love you hitting those stratospheric notes. Mariah, whose hair is pretty stratospheric too, wore her usual selection of bodacious body-revealing get-ups, which can lead one to miss some of those big notes.
Bullshit. Mariah Carey is the type of diva that makes her assistant separate all black m&ms into a separate bowl. When the assistant tells Mariah they don't make black m&ms, she's rewarded with a swift kick to the back of the head. And then fired. And to prove she means business, Mariah orders 52 pizzas to the assistant's house. You know because that's the sorta thing divas do.
I'd rather be a diva than a damn whore.
[WENN]
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
A family taking a tour of Hollywood homes "accidentally" ended up on the doorstep of Tom Cruise's house. And who did they run into? None other than Katie Holmes and Suri "the Loch Ness monster's existence is more well documented than mine" Cruise!:
The man, who asked to be identified only as "Frank," and his girlfriend were visiting the girlfriend's brother and sister-in-law, who live two blocks from Cruise's Beverly Hills home, and went on a tour of some local stars’ homes. When they arrived at Cruise's house, one of them hit the buzzer on the security gate, and -- much to their surprise -- it opened. They started driving up the driveway and the first security guard waved them on. They couldn't turn around because the driveway was narrow, so they drove to the top.When they arrived at the top, they saw Katie Holmes holding -- you guessed it -- the ever-elusive Suri in her arms. Frank says he and his companions were no more than five feet from the baby, and he tells TMZ that Suri looked "cute" and "perfectly normal." Tom, meanwhile, was playing with two older children (presumably Isabella, 13, and Conor, 11) on the lawn.
I always pictured Tom's security system looking something like the Berlin Wall circa 1971 only with more suit-wearing androids that shoot laser beams out of their eyes. After all, he's a multi-kazillionaire Hollywood-star who can afford suit-wearing androids that shoot laser beams out of their eyes. Can't really fault Tom's security too much as it's doing a great job keeping Katie from making a mad dash to freedom.
[WENN]
Jessica Simpson's childhood home
If you've always fantasized about living in the childhood home of a popstar, now's your chance! The former home of the Simpsons, located in Dallas, is on the market:
Curb appeal plus. Lovely 2 story home, surrounded by trees, in the popular Reservation. With recent upgrading, this large home is better than ever. Enjoy the backyard with huge diving pool, landscaping and decking. Formal living and dining areas, both overlook the front of home. Den, with beamed ceiling, fireplace overlook backyard. Dream kitchen has been remodeled with granite countertops, tumbled marble backsplash, replaced black appliances, including gas cooktop and oven. Bosch dishwasher, tiled floor, and recessed lighting. Breakfast room is sunny and open. Designer colors, upgraded fixtures, wood floors throughout. All bedrooms up. Fifth bedroom makes a great study or office. Master bath has recent cereamic [sic] tile floor. Abundance of storage. Childhood home of Jessica Simpson
Updated (8/26): I noticed the realtor erased part of the original description. Here it is:
- Subdiv: Richardson Heights 16 1st Sec
- Gar: 2 spaces, Rear, Opener
- Roof: Composition
- Peepholes: Multiple (mainly around kid's room and bathroom; perfect for that creepy father to spy on his big-breasted daughter!)
[Ebby Halliday Realtors]
Dane Cook and Jessica Alba
I can't even begin to understand how this happened so I'll just let you figure it out:
HOLLYWOOD beauty Jessica Alba isn't looking so great right now. The actress is missing a tooth after an over-zealous love scene left her needing dental work. Jessica was shooting kissing scenes with new movie co-star Dane Cook in new film Good Luck, Chuck when the couple's teeth clashed. She explains: "I lost a tooth. Isn't that disgusting? Dane and I were smashing our faces together." However, the star's publicist Brad Cafarelli is now playing down the incident, stating: "She chipped a tooth and it was easily fixed."
I think this article may have their 'Jessicas' mixed up. I'm pretty sure it was Jessica Simpson that chipped a tooth and not Jessica Alba. And she wasn't kissing Dane Cook but was instead chewing on a doorknob that she mistook for a piece of bubble gum.
[WENN]
Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton's SpoofCard account was terminated because she allegedly broke into someone's voicemail account (in a strange coincidence SpoofCard also mentioned that Lindsay "Firecrotch" Lohan's account was one of the accounts broken into).
SpoofCard.com confirmed that Paris Hilton was among the terminated customers, and that Lindsay Lohan was among those whose voicemail accounts were broken into. SpoofCard has put software controls on its network so that customers can no longer use its service to break into the voicemail boxes of Miss Lohan or the other victims it has identified.
Clearly this is an elaborate ploy by Paris Hilton designed to generate media buzz. After all, I'm pretty sure Paris knows absolutely nothing about hacking into somebody's voicemail account. Although if hacking is the same as spreading your legs and letting guys lay on top of you, Paris is the best damn hacker this side of the Mason-Dixon line.
[WENN]
Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong
atthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong love jogging. This is the second time in as many weeks they've taken a shirtless jog on South Beach.
Of course If I was as fit as Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong I would never wear a shirt either. But I'm not, so that's why I'm wearing parachute pants and this heavy winter parka. My grandma told me the outfit makes me look svelte (don't even try to tell me my grandma's lying because - so help me God - I will cut you).
[Splash News]
