Beyonce

Some animal experts are pretty pissed that Beyoncé Knowles is exploiting alligators.

A world-renowned expert on reptiles has written an outraged letter to the former Destiny's Child singer, suggesting that she abused an animal on the photo shoot for her new album B'day. "There was a shot where I held an alligator. It had its mouth taped - that was my bright idea," Knowles recently told a magazine. "He was really cute, but since his mouth was taped he didn't have any way to defend himself. He was upset so he peed on me. That was an experience!"

"As a specialist in reptile biology and welfare I'm concerned about your posing with a terrified baby alligator for your new album cover," British biologist Clifford Warwick wrote to Knowles on behalf of PETA. "Humans and alligators are not natural bedfellows, and the two should not mix at events such as photo-shoots. In my view, doing so is arguably abusive to an animal."

In honor of my childhood love for Choose Your Own Adventure books, I present: Choose your own Adventure-Celebslam Edition:

1. I'm sure the producers were standing around wondering what they should do with the gator until Beyonce saved the day by suggesting they should tape it's mouth shut. I mean it's not like they had alligator handlers on the set or anything like that. Nah. Couldn't have. Proceed to step 4.

2. If taking a picture with an ugly beast constituted abuse, Kurt Russell would have been arrested years ago. Proceed to step 4.

3. The alligator peed on Beyonce? Hey Alligator, R. Kelly just called: he wants his shtick back. Proceed to step 4.

4. Beyoncé is a lying son-of-a-bitch. The end.

[WENN]